Thanos's Personal Log - Episode 19

As usual I was broke and owed money. Lucky for me this fat cat movie star criminal type comes along and hires me for a short flight out to Helexi 7 to pick up a cloaking device. I’m thinking, “WTF why doesn’t he have it shipped?” Anyway I take him out in the Hound and the trip was rather pleasant. The guy is a bit of a tool but overall seemed kind of nice. If I had any complaint it would have to be his smell. He smells like a typical pinkie and in the closed space of the Hound, the odor was somewhat oppressive. I had to clean myself three times to get the stench out of my nostrils. Well long story short he hires me to be the pilot of his ship, the one we went to pick up the cloak for. Its a nice ship but has a few quirks that will take some getting use to.

We headed out to Icefall and the Ixius Sector Block and landed without problem. That is when the troubles started. As we exited the ship the locals inform me that I am an animal and must be collared and leashed unless I take a test to prove I am human. Well I am Andorian, not Human and I find humans somewhat repulsive, if you know what I mean. I chose to sit on the ship with the Rodian and we both cussed up a storm. I couldn’t understand a word the Rodian said but the tone and body language said it all.

After a week of boredom I decided to take this “HUMAN” test. I mean if a real human could pass it, I certainly could. I never met a human that was better than an Andorian. So I called on the testers and this group of old human men took me off to a tower. Thuku came too which was pretty funny but the wookie and Klingon staid behind. Did I mention that the Klingon had the Shit Weasels? I felt bad for the dude because they kept escaping out of his ass and we would have to kill them. Turned out the Doc wasn’t too keen on getting the infestation off the ship.

So these old frakers tell me to put my hand in a box and that if I took the hand out I would die. Well that was easy enough and I guessed this was going to be a test of will. Keep it in the box for hours or days or some other human idiocracy. I was right about it be a test of will but wrong about how it would play out. My hand started to itch, then burn, then the pain started to get so bad that I was screaming at the old men. I never pulled the hand out and I was telling those frakers they were dead when this was over. Well eventually it was over and when I pulled my hand out I was unhurt. I still punched the old pinkie right in his rotten yellow teeth. After the test I was now classified as “Human” on this world. What a bunch of dren.

I spoke with the Captain and he said he was getting surgery. I guess he was sick or something. Matt was off getting some education and that left me and Thuku to explore the city. Then the Captain told Thuku he had to get surgery too. Later I would learn that Thuku had his vocal cords modified so that he could speak Standard. I was glad to hear of this.

Well this place was alot like Andoria, cold and windy. The food was great but the people, a bunch of pale white humans, gave me a wide berth. I decided to go skiing and had a real good time. Eventually it was time to head out.

Matt learned some new kind of mathematical science that would let the ship travel by folding space. I heard that transwarp did this too, so I guess he is now like a transwarp key or something. We went to DS9 and a killer tried to get the captain and then we headed off to do a job in a system that just seems unreal. 5 suns, each with their own system of planets, all in orbit with each other. I am looking forward to seeing what this place is like. I just hope we dont get stuck on another world full of pinkies or worse, colonist.

Thanos's Personal Log - Episode 19

Star Trek Late Night StephenWollett