Alyr's Personal log - Episode 37

I love this place! The Hall of Chaos is where I think I should retire. Maybe one day I can return, buy into the joint, and run my own game. I have made so much money here that I am richer than ever. Not only that, but I doubt there’s anyone in the universe that wouldn’t recognize me. Anyone that matters that is. This is good and bad but frell it, do I ever love the limelight. If you think things went well for yours truly last time, just wait.

The fella’s starting talking about leaving. Leaving! How could anyone want to leave this place? I managed to convince them to stick around a little longer. I knew they wouldn’t stay too long and I was itching to do some fighting so I suggested another chess match.

Not much to this story though. The other team must have heard of me because not a single piece challenged me. I went through the whole game without a single fight. They kept on killing off our pawns and challenging Matt. They must have thought he was an easy kill. Makes sense, he’s really a nobody and he looks about as intimidating as a Risian beach bum. However, that turned out to be a big mistake for the other team. Matt is very capable, especially with a sword. I wouldn’t even challenge him to a sword fight. While I might be able to take him, I would have to rely on my luck because he’s a better swordsman than I. I’ll have to remember this for the future. It could make for a nice strategy.

After that disappointing game I was itching for more but the team wanted to do some drinking. I found a bar with a deathmatch Dabo game and convinced the crew to drink there while I played.


To get into the game you had to put up a million and your life. Dabo is my game; part skill, part strategy, part bluffing, and part luck. I play for a little while studying my opponents using my Bene Gesserit teachings of Body Knowledge. I began to single them out. This worked for the most part in the beginning but as the game went on I would face stranger and stranger creatures and my reading ability became more strained.

The deaths were chilling at first but as the game went on they became more absurd and, I hate to say it, funny. I about pissed myself when they vacuumed up the blob man I was playing against. I will admit that the giant spider eating the one guy while we continued to play was a little unnerving. Anyway, when we got to the final game, it was me against a giant ball with eye stalks. He was one hell of a player but fortune was on my side and managed to pull victory from the jaws of defeat! He, however, had purchased insurance and was spared. I will meet him again at a table someday; I’m quite sure of that. It will be my pleasure to play against such a worthy opponent again.

The team had watched while I played and had won a ton of money on me but this was a long game and by the end they were ready to get into some trouble. We talked a bit over breakfast but we couldn’t decide. We all wanted to play dice with Baleer badly but you needed a Golden Ticket to enter his room. To get one, you had to survive 8 death matches. The other guys were very close but since I showed up late, I needed to survive at least five more. Thanos had one from the last time he was here and was able to bring the rest of us in as guests but I refused. If I was going to play the greatest game in the joint, I wanted to go in on my own. Matt thought I was being a douche but I’m gambler’s gambler and I would not ride on another man’s coattails to get into a game.

As we were discussing this a man showed up with Golden Tickets. He said that we had played so well in the games so far that we already had earned our tickets. And just like that, it was off to roll some bones!

Dice with Baleer was a very interesting experience for me. There was no way to cheat and very little skill was involved. This was a game of luck but not the kind that I can manipulate. This was real luck. The only skill involved was knowing when to walk away. It was a version of craps and was basically even Steven odds wise. You had about a 50% chance of winning whenever you rolled. As with most gambling, you made your wager before picking up the dice. You could wager just about anything of a physical nature. If it was in Baleer’s power to get it, he would agree. If not, you had to pick something else. Once the wager was accepted, you had to roll. If you won, he gave it to you right away. He was one powerful son of a bitch because he could grant a great many things. However, if you lost, he took whatever he wanted. This included changing things about you. Karr’s legs were turned into goat legs, Matt’s skin was turned black, Thanos was turned into a 6” bug fairy, and I wound up with a double dong. We all managed to get stuff either turned back through winning or by medical means on the station (at a price of course).

I started out with three straight wins and walked out. That was the smartest thing to do; especially since I walked out with three very cool wins. My biggest win was Thrawn’s battle plans for the next two years. I figured I’d use this to get a pardon from the federation and stick it to the Empire.

Now, you know I’m not the brightest star in the sky right? Did I stay away. Frell no. The guys were in there playing up a storm. I had seen some of their losses and while they were terrible, their wins were just too good. Also, I didn’t know you could wish for people and as soon as I saw that, I wanted back in. Ugh. I took two straight losses. The first gave me a double penis. Which would have been cool except this made walking a bit tough with as big as I am. The second cost the life of the Princess. This truly saddened me. Anyway, I played on some more; won a few, lost a few. The big win though was when I got the rat bastard that stole my money. Turns out it was the Fly. Frelling bastard! He appeared unconscious and in chains.

Matt was a true friend and wished for Galaxina and to my surprise she appeared and was unharmed. The Fly and I have much to talk about! I’m going to have to bring in Thuku .

Anyway, we finished up and all of us came out of the game on top. Baleer invited us to come back anytime and we made a deal to bring someone with us.

That’s about it for this entry. I think we’re headed off to Atlas Station to check out our new digs that Karr won. On the way, I need to contact Thuku and get him to join us there so that I can have a little “talk” with the Fly. It will also be nice to be reunited with Galaxina again.

Yep, the Hall of Chaos was like a nice vacation for me. I will be going back, you can count on that. Life is good, which means the dren is about to hit the fan…

Alyr's Personal log - Episode 37

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