Alyr's Personal Log - Episode 18

How could I have boned it so badly? To travel into an enemy system, with no recon whatsoever, with a drensoaked plan, takes the kind of balls that only I seem to possess. Frell me, I really did it this time.

So, where do I start this tale of insanity? Hmmm… Ok, so we had intel that Thuku was being held by the Empire and we managed to get the coordinates. Good chance my ship was there as well and possibly that drenhead Jeto. We were presently in a flying porno studio and nobody knows how to do a good porno like yours truly. So I said “Let’s do a porno!” I’d tell their commander that I wanted to shoot a porno using their facility as a backdrop. I figured they’d check out the registration and see that the Mugato was laget and they’d either let us film or send us away.

Why would they do such a thing?

Well, there’s two things I’ve learned about “the business” that always holds true. Everyone gets stars in their eyes and guys just love porno. Mix that with the fact that the empire is a bunch of chauvinistic frellwads and they like to fill their ships up with all dudes. I figured they’d be stepping on their own dorks just to help us so they could watch how a real man takes care of business while they secretly spilled their juice all over the insides of those ugly ass uniforms. Glad I don’t do the laundry on that boat.

I figured if they were cool with us filming we’d shoot for a while and snoop around. I’d get Kate to dig through their files and find Thuku and my ship. When the time came, we’d snag him, my ship, and punch it in to the deepest black we could find. I figured the body count would be high but brother, I had no idea.

We came out of hyperspace and I about popped a choco block. There were star destroyers everywhere. We had jumped right into their ship building facility. I’m assuming this is the kind of place you keep really secret. You know, the kind of place you don’t want a bunch of ex-cons who are wanted all over the galaxy finding out about. Yeah, but that was only the half of it. Off to the right, big as dren, the planet killer! That’s right, the frelling thing is real and I saw it. That is definitely something you don’t want a bunch of mercenaries finding out.

So we did the smart thing and high tailed it the frell out right? Wrong. This is where my balls are bigger than my brains, but you already knew that. This is also why my crew needs to have their collective heads examined. Why Tarak didn’t knock me out and get us the hell out of there, I’ll never know. Maybe it’s because of the Syndicate brotherhood or perhaps the two years I did for him on Denchar. Meh, he probably saw a potential for money in the mix somewhere.

Anyway, they quickly hit us with a tractor beam and took us into the ISS Zebick. We were met by Lt. Hasik who became our liaison. To keep it short, he agreed to help us make this movie and supplied us with three female prisoners for our purposes. Okay, I feel bad for having the girls raped and especially by a wookie. However, the sick and twisted Lt. had demanded it and we were in a very precarious position to deny him. Tarak lent Alana to the effort as my screen partner. She was frakin’ amazing by the way.

They accused Karr of being a Jedi but I think I convinced them otherwise. He was suffering terribly from his slurm addiction. I convinced them to give him treatment and while it was extreme, I think he’s going to be free and clear of the disease. It didn’t come out until later but they also found out that he was suffering from the “dren weasels”.

Okay, so we shot for several days. Tarak and Kate did a ton of intel gathering. They found Thuku and after I put the wammie on the Lt. I “convinced” him to take me through the demo-yards and I found the Starlight.

The Lt. wanted us to wrap up and we had to move quickly. Tarak skulked off and set some demolitions around the ship while we filmed the last scene. I told the Lt. that I needed a Rodian to finish things off properly. Either it was my unbelievable luck or just proper assumptions; they brought Thuku up to be filmed.

Plan was as follows… From the Mugato, beam Thuku and me aboard the Starlight and I would spin her up and punch out. Tarak’s bombs would start blowing up and shut down the tractor beam. Everyone else was to scramble for ships in the bay and take as many as possible. That way we could make some money off selling them. I also had Kayle to set the warp core of the Mugato to go critical. I figured that would give us a pretty good distraction.

All went swimmingly well. Thuku, the Princess, and I got out on the Starlight and bugged out. The rest of the team got away in various ships they took from the bay. However, just before I left, I saw what a warp core going critical from the inside of a star destroyer looks like. It blew out the whole side and caused it to careen into another and the two of them into another. So much destruction and so many deaths. It’s only a matter of time before they figure out that it was me. I now have another empire after me.

Thuku, Leia (the princess), and I made it back to Citidel. During the time in warp I worked to make amends with the Princess as best I could. She will never call me friend but my hope is that she’ll at least forgive me for the wrong I have done her. I gave her enough money to get wherever she needed to go and told her that if she ever needed my help, I would be there.

Alyr's Personal Log - Episode 18

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